Pruned and Whittled

I was trying to figure out what to write for my next post, but I came up dry. SO...I thought I'd share a little about me. Some of my readers know tolerate these things about me. Others don't know these things about me. Some of what I'm about to write is negative, but I'll put it into perspective at the end. I promise.

1. I don't like jealousy. I don't like feeling it, and I don't like being on the other end of it. I experience jealously most when those people I fiercely love (if you missed that post, check back a few postings) do things with other people that I don't know. It's almost like I'm scared that those other people will take my place in their life. It's territorial and it's wrong - but that doesn't change my response. :/

2. I hate getting my hands and feet 'just a little' wet. If I'm going to get my hands and feet wet, I have to commit to it. Fully submerged and soaked. Just a sprinkle drives me crazy. I suppose this somehow links with the fact that I either do something fully and with all my heart or I don't do it at all. I'm one of those 'all or nothing' kinda gals...this is not always a positive thing.

3. I enjoy rainy days because I enjoy giving myself permission to brood. I use the rain as an excuse to ruminate.

4. I love to get things started, but I hate finishing things. For example - I love to do laundry. I love to fold it. I HATE putting it away. HATE. DESPISE. LOATHE. Same goes for dishes. This is something I actively am working on.

5. I hate that every other word out of my mouth is "I." I can't stand it. "I feel this, I don't like that, I enjoy this, can I do that?" I I I I I STOP! Maybe if I spent more time listening, I (there it is again!) would hear a lot more of what I need to hear.

Well. Now that you know some negatives about me, I want to offer a reason why I posted this. I am a work in progress. I am constantly moving, growing, aching, groaning, celebrating, and changing.

I see myself as a tree. My branches are being pruned and my trunk is being whittled into something more than I am now. Because I know these 'negatives' about myself, I am more inclined to do something about them if I want to continue to be pruned and whittled.

I do.

It is my prayer every day that another piece of bark or another dead branch be gone from me. Change me, Lord. Mold me, Lord. Cut back the excess until all that exists is You, Lord. It feels good to strive for less when we live in a culture that continuously sends the message that more is better. I want my tree to bloom with the biggest blossoms. I want the winds to come and to stand through the gusty gales. If I just keep my roots firmly in the soil and my branches growing tall, I think I just might be OK.

~ Love & Light ~