Perfection

I am a perfectionist. I said it. I hate it. I embody it. I loathe it. I secretly love it. I am annoyed by it. I embrace it. I am a perfectionist.

Not with everything, though. Just in a few things - like how the laundry is folded, getting straight A's in grad school, the sound of a perfect harmony during worship on a Sunday morning. The minor things. It usually doesn't get in the way of life...usually.

My children (well the majority of them) enjoy having their picture taken. They are blissfully unaware of their own imperfections (yes, I just said my kids aren't perfect. Just keepin' it real!). They don't care if their double chin is showing or their eyes are shut. They can laugh it off and see just the good. Kids are blessed with this perspective. They don't see thunder thighs or baby-baby-baby belly (that's my belly because I had 3 babies!). They see the stuff that we don't see - love, affection, enthusiasm, and joy. The stuff that's on the inside...the stuff that truly matters.

I, on the other hand, do not enjoy having my picture taken. Because I am a perfectionist, I have put off having family pictures taken for the past six years (you read it right) so I could get myself to where I want to be physically. Because I am a perfectionist, I wanted these pictures to be at a certain place, with certain weather, and the best light possible. I wanted our clothes to blend together, but not be the same. I wanted my hair to be glistening like morning dew on the grass and my teeth white as snow. As I reflected on this, I realized that all the things I wanted were superficial. They were surface things. They were not the stuff I am "made of," but rather the stuff I wanted people to see.

In reality (a town perfectionists do NOT live), I truly want people to see my outside reflect what is on the inside. The deep seated joy that lives in my heart. The love that spills from my soul for those I call mine. The fierceness in which I believe and worship my God. The prowess I possess when faced with adversity. The wonder of all battles won and the desire to face the battles that lie ahead. All of those things are what I want people to see when they look at our family pictures.

My eyes have recently been opened to the fact that there is only One who is perfect. One who is worthy of being perfect. He is the author of the gifts of joy, love, fierceness, prowess and wonder I experience day in and day out. He is what fuels my gifts. It is my mission to live full out for Him in my perfect imperfectness. By accepting I am imperfect, I am made perfect. Perfect!

So when I look at the family pictures, because I am an imperfect perfectionist, I will see the gifts He bestowed in me, not what appears on the outside. I am committing to doing this for everyone in every season. I encourage you all to do the same.

Love & Light,
~Dina