Wednesday, March 7, 2012

In Which I Call Myself Out. . . .#embarrassed

I've been thinking...

As a few of you may know, I am currently fasting Facebook...and I talk about it. Often. Truth be told, I miss it. Desperately. I want nothing more than to log in and see what everyone is doing. I feel like a little kid who is told to go to bed but REALLY wants to stay up because the ordinary can turn to extraordinary at any given second.

My original reason was to fast the FB because I wanted to prepare my heart for Easter. I figured I would use the 'extra' time I had to get in the word more, or pray more, or do 'good.' (And yes, if you're wondering, I just admitted that I spend THAT much time on FB that giving it up translates to extra time in my day...). Like most of my good intentions, I have failed. Epically (<-- is that even a word?)

This scripture keeps coming up, around, and through me...Matthew 6:16-18  16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."  Up. Around. Through. I knew about this scripture - have for a while. When I am fasting in other ways, I follow this - no one would ever know... but for some (dumb) reason, I have exempt myself from this for FB. Ewwww... Gone against the words of Jesus (this IS a gospel message...) for Facebook? What the HECK?

Ashamed and disgusted are probably the first two words that come to mind. Not only have I NOT spent any additional time in the word or prayer, but I have also presented myself as a hypocrite??!? Trust  me when I tell you this is NOT a 'woe is me' post...but more its a post where myself is calling myself OUT on this whole thing...even though my 'self' is acutely aware.

So what is the point of fasting something when you are not fulfilling the INTENTION  of the fast? What is the point? So in my case, spending more time playing games on my iPad OR blogging is ok, but FB is not? Isn't that just this for that?

Ashamed and disgusted...yet here I am, blogging away...

My Pastor is starting a course on Thursday night "40 days in the Word" and when I first found out about it, I was SUPEREXCITED!! I have been desperate for something like this - something structured and 'tutorial.' Not that I can't/don't know how to read my bible, but if you know me, you know this is RIGHT up my alley. In hindsight, the reason I am so excited about it is because by doing it and following it, I am actually DOING what I intended on doing in the first place during this sacred season...My prayer is that this 'study' will truly take over my lack-of-FB-made-up-for-via-iPad-games balderdash. So if I don't post much, know I am fulfilling my promise to 'get ready' for Easter - because if there is ANYONE and ANY time to get ready for, it is Him and now.

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