It's me. Dina. Some of you enjoy me just as I am. Some of you like parts of me. Some of you, I mystify. Some of you, I confuse. Maybe some of you only like me part of the time, when it's convenient for you (I am pretty confident I have some of you in my life...but I still love you for you) Some of you are mad that I just wrote that...
I have been thinking a lot lately and truth be told, I found out some things about myself. Some of them too personal to share here, but some of them aren't. During lunch with a friend recently, she called me out about something...and she was entirely right. What's that thing? Well, it's complicated, but without going into too much detail, it is the fact that I purposely and voluntarily leave myself out of situations. It's sort of part of my all-or-nothing personality. I don't remember a time when I would settle for just-a-little-bit. All. Or. Nothing. Always.
For a minute (well, for numerous minutes, really...) I backpedaled a little. I thought 'what if she's right? what if I should take a look at myself'...but don't worry friends, that didn't last too long. What this conversation taught me was this: I am who I am. I am working towards who I was created to be. I like myself just as I am - quirks and all. I secretly (not-so-much now...) like that I am stubborn, thick headed, all-or-nothing, in your face as much as I can be, demanding, 'you're wrong just because I said you were,' competitive to no end, and that I march to the beat of my own drummer. It's funny - I recently said to another friend - I may march to the beat of my own drummer, but never out of synch with everyone else.
If I am going to be honest, I like these quirks about me that have negative connotations. The negatives give me character and charm, sort of like a cool scar with an even cooler story. They don't harm anyone (except me, usually...). The fact of the matter is that I LIKE these things about me.
While there are plenty of positive things that I could say about myself, I choose to say that I find the negative things about me to be positive things. Together these traits make me, ME. I shouldn't feel that I need to be apologetic for being me. I'm done feeling that way. I spent much to much of my younger years trying to figure that out. I am unapologetically me. I am finally strong enough, mature enough, and most importantly kind enough to myself to acknowledge that.
So, ... I thank my friend for lunch that day. I thank her for prompting me to check myself. I thank her for calling me out and I thank her for giving me the opportunity to realize and rediscover that I LIKE that I am the way I am. I thank her for letting me be ME, unapologetically me. I thank all my other friends and family - my TRUE and LOYAL friends and family - for letting me be unapologetically me. I appreciate you all more than you know.