As a nation, we grieve.
As a nation, we mourn.
As a nation, we band together and pray.
As a nation, we weep.
As a nation, we are speechless.
As a nation, we cannot fathom.
As a nation, we have no answers.
As a nation, we lament.
As a Mom...I do all these things and more.
As a Mom, I push impatience aside and remember the Mom who would hear a lifetime of whining for one more I love you.
As a Mom, I search for signs of upset and fear on my own babies faces because they are right in front of me and I am afriad they can see my heart.
As a Mom, I second guess my decision to be where I am and have what I have because I wonder if the risk will outweigh the benefit.
As a Mom, I knit my heart with other Moms - and while my sense of loss pales in comparison to theirs, this community of mothers feels each loss in their core.
As a Mom, my compassion alternates between tears of anger and tears of joy that these special children each were a gift to this world, and that gift is everlasting.
As a Mom, I look to my faith to help me understand. My heart says - if I grieve this much, how much MORE does He grieve this loss? My heart says - "Do not be afraid, I am with You."... My heart says - just be still and know that He is God...
As a Mom, I know that one thing is certain. That my God sits on His throne and He is sovereign above all. He loves. He creates. He gives and He takes away. He is our safety, our refuge, and bottles all our tears. As a Mom, I pray that the Mom's whose arms are empty tonight can rest in this truth.
As a nation, we stand - under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Join me in prayer for the hurting families. It does not matter what your religion is, how active you are, your past, your present..what matters is that we can join together. Jesus says that when two or more are gathered in His name, we will hear from heaven. Let the families affected by this tragedy hear from heaven. Please join me in the shout.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Empty Me
I have this index card on my desk that has a quote from one of the email devotionals that waits for me every morning when I get to work. It reads:
"The moment our hearts are emptied of pride, selfishness, ambition, and everything that is contrary to God's law, the Holy Spirit will fill every corner of our hearts. But if we are full of pride and conceit and ambition and the world, there is no room for the spirit of God. We must be emptied before we are filled"
Wowza.
I avoid this index card even though it is taped along the bottom of my monitor and written in faded blue ink. It's followed me from desk to desk offering the same message that my heart does not want to hear.
You see, I struggle with pride, selfishness, and ambition. Daily. It's a fine line between feeling satisfied at a job well done and proud of an accomplishment. It's a fine line between working hard to get what you want and working only to get what you want. It's a fine line between going after a goal and being driven by ambition.
This index card challenges me more than any other words on a page. When I reflect on them, I find myself wondering, was I humble enough? Were my motivations right? Did I leave room for God to be glorified? Did I give God the glory or did I think, in my mere mind, that I was the one responsible for ANY of the success I found?
We must be emptied before we are filled.... but who wants to run to empty? I do it with my gas tank because I am lazy...but I often kick myself in the behind because I end up having to get gas at the most inconvenient times for the most outrageous price. It is so easy to see how we err, isn't it? But as easy as it is, it is equally as hard to correct our bad behavior. Most of it is impulsive, isn't it? Its like a child that you say no repeatedly to that is still drawn to their offense. Uncontrollable.
Pride, selfishness, and ambition are necessary for worth - I am absolutely sure... but how much of it do we need to strike a balance? I suppose that answer is different for everyone. I could spend time trying to answer it here, but it might only apply to me.
I have sat by a friend who hit absolute rock bottom - a friend who was proud, a wee bit selfish, and definitely full of ambition. This friend was hollowed out by grief, pain, loss, uncertainty, hopelessness ... The shell that stood, lamenting, next to me felt as though it would shatter at the slightest whisper of air. In this brokenness, in this emptying of pride, selfishness, and ambition, the Holy Spirit swooped in and turned moaning into shouts of joy. Oh how He loves us.
Our God is a God of second and third and fourth and infinite chances. He wants us to be able to glorify Him - and so what He does is allow us to be emptied so that all we have is Him, His word, and His promise. When we accept this, when we lean into this and use it as a crutch to take the next step, then He weeps tears of joy and celebrates the victory. He has made us more than conquerors - we are His friends, His disciples, His missionaries, His heart of praise and worship. On the upside of it all, He allows us to be blessed to a measure that is bigger than our hearts desire - which makes us humble and full of awe - which makes us shout from rooftops what our God has done for us even when we don't necessarily deserve it.
Empty yourselves, friends. It may be easy for some, hard for others...but the glory of the goodness of our God will fill your hearts - every single corner. Trust Him.
"The moment our hearts are emptied of pride, selfishness, ambition, and everything that is contrary to God's law, the Holy Spirit will fill every corner of our hearts. But if we are full of pride and conceit and ambition and the world, there is no room for the spirit of God. We must be emptied before we are filled"
Wowza.
I avoid this index card even though it is taped along the bottom of my monitor and written in faded blue ink. It's followed me from desk to desk offering the same message that my heart does not want to hear.
You see, I struggle with pride, selfishness, and ambition. Daily. It's a fine line between feeling satisfied at a job well done and proud of an accomplishment. It's a fine line between working hard to get what you want and working only to get what you want. It's a fine line between going after a goal and being driven by ambition.
This index card challenges me more than any other words on a page. When I reflect on them, I find myself wondering, was I humble enough? Were my motivations right? Did I leave room for God to be glorified? Did I give God the glory or did I think, in my mere mind, that I was the one responsible for ANY of the success I found?
We must be emptied before we are filled.... but who wants to run to empty? I do it with my gas tank because I am lazy...but I often kick myself in the behind because I end up having to get gas at the most inconvenient times for the most outrageous price. It is so easy to see how we err, isn't it? But as easy as it is, it is equally as hard to correct our bad behavior. Most of it is impulsive, isn't it? Its like a child that you say no repeatedly to that is still drawn to their offense. Uncontrollable.
Pride, selfishness, and ambition are necessary for worth - I am absolutely sure... but how much of it do we need to strike a balance? I suppose that answer is different for everyone. I could spend time trying to answer it here, but it might only apply to me.
I have sat by a friend who hit absolute rock bottom - a friend who was proud, a wee bit selfish, and definitely full of ambition. This friend was hollowed out by grief, pain, loss, uncertainty, hopelessness ... The shell that stood, lamenting, next to me felt as though it would shatter at the slightest whisper of air. In this brokenness, in this emptying of pride, selfishness, and ambition, the Holy Spirit swooped in and turned moaning into shouts of joy. Oh how He loves us.
Our God is a God of second and third and fourth and infinite chances. He wants us to be able to glorify Him - and so what He does is allow us to be emptied so that all we have is Him, His word, and His promise. When we accept this, when we lean into this and use it as a crutch to take the next step, then He weeps tears of joy and celebrates the victory. He has made us more than conquerors - we are His friends, His disciples, His missionaries, His heart of praise and worship. On the upside of it all, He allows us to be blessed to a measure that is bigger than our hearts desire - which makes us humble and full of awe - which makes us shout from rooftops what our God has done for us even when we don't necessarily deserve it.
Empty yourselves, friends. It may be easy for some, hard for others...but the glory of the goodness of our God will fill your hearts - every single corner. Trust Him.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Bumper Sticker: Never Satisfied
HIIII!!! I missed you, pruned branches blog!!! Let's get reacquainted, shall we?
A while back, I saw this bumper sticker while sitting in traffic on the highway. The bumper sticker read "NEVER SATISFIED" ... I found it ironic that the person who chose this sort of proclamation also drove an old Ford Escort hatchback. I wondered if that bumper sticker was there because of the car or because the person driving the car truly was never satisfied. As we crawled along, inch by inch by mile, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Back and forth my heart went wondering about the person in the car. Sad to say, I never caught up to them to take a sneak peek (and no, I'm not the only person to look at people while they drive by!) but I did spend some time imagining who they were.
Perhaps I would've seen an overweight woman - she is never satisfied and uses food to fill the desire she has deep, deep in her heart. Perhaps I would've seen a young college aged girl - one who is never satisfied despite the fact that her parents worked hard at saving for her education and can't understand why they grumbled at paying $40 for a cotton tshirt with a store's logo on it. Perhaps I would've seen a hard working man who is acting passive aggressive towards his wife and alluding to the fact that he works his tail off only to feel like it's never enough for her. Maybe a high school boy slapped that bumper sticker on his Escort to tell the world that this wasn't it for him - the Escort will one day be a Mercedes or better because he is driven enough to work hard enough for it.
Never satisfied.
While speculating about the Escort's ghost driver, I was struck with a healthy (but heavy) dose of conviction. Why would this be interesting to me? Why would I care so much about it? Know why? Because I am one who struggles with this. I think the term struck so close to home because I find myself there, ... more often than I care to admit if I'm being honest. I can't tell you how many times I have thought "if I only, if we could just, why can't we have/do/see/experience?" Instead of reveling in the blessings in my life, I spend more energy thinking about and looking at the things I don't have. What am I trying to do by doing that? What could I possibly gain? The things of this world will one day decay and be destroyed by moths and rust - why do I covet them? Why do I look to find fulfillment in them? Why do I look to be satisfied by them?
In truth, TRUE satisfaction is something our hearts feel when we've done something according to God's will. If He calls, and we answer, our hearts are satisfied. Our hearts feel full to bursting with the joy of our Lord. What this bumper sticker taught me was that if we really allow ourselves to be His hands and feet; and if we allow ourselves to live out His will for our lives, then we will be satisfied with the most satisfying satisfaction (say that three times fast!). There is no comparable measure on earth to a God-satisfied heart.
So... if we measure our satisfaction through our God-satisfied heart, we will find that food nor things will ever compare; nor will anything of this world ever satisfy you so fully and wholly. Look to God, and not anywhere else, to find satisfaction. His words taste better than any meal and His kingdom is worth more than any earthly gain.
A while back, I saw this bumper sticker while sitting in traffic on the highway. The bumper sticker read "NEVER SATISFIED" ... I found it ironic that the person who chose this sort of proclamation also drove an old Ford Escort hatchback. I wondered if that bumper sticker was there because of the car or because the person driving the car truly was never satisfied. As we crawled along, inch by inch by mile, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Back and forth my heart went wondering about the person in the car. Sad to say, I never caught up to them to take a sneak peek (and no, I'm not the only person to look at people while they drive by!) but I did spend some time imagining who they were.
Perhaps I would've seen an overweight woman - she is never satisfied and uses food to fill the desire she has deep, deep in her heart. Perhaps I would've seen a young college aged girl - one who is never satisfied despite the fact that her parents worked hard at saving for her education and can't understand why they grumbled at paying $40 for a cotton tshirt with a store's logo on it. Perhaps I would've seen a hard working man who is acting passive aggressive towards his wife and alluding to the fact that he works his tail off only to feel like it's never enough for her. Maybe a high school boy slapped that bumper sticker on his Escort to tell the world that this wasn't it for him - the Escort will one day be a Mercedes or better because he is driven enough to work hard enough for it.
Never satisfied.
While speculating about the Escort's ghost driver, I was struck with a healthy (but heavy) dose of conviction. Why would this be interesting to me? Why would I care so much about it? Know why? Because I am one who struggles with this. I think the term struck so close to home because I find myself there, ... more often than I care to admit if I'm being honest. I can't tell you how many times I have thought "if I only, if we could just, why can't we have/do/see/experience?" Instead of reveling in the blessings in my life, I spend more energy thinking about and looking at the things I don't have. What am I trying to do by doing that? What could I possibly gain? The things of this world will one day decay and be destroyed by moths and rust - why do I covet them? Why do I look to find fulfillment in them? Why do I look to be satisfied by them?
In truth, TRUE satisfaction is something our hearts feel when we've done something according to God's will. If He calls, and we answer, our hearts are satisfied. Our hearts feel full to bursting with the joy of our Lord. What this bumper sticker taught me was that if we really allow ourselves to be His hands and feet; and if we allow ourselves to live out His will for our lives, then we will be satisfied with the most satisfying satisfaction (say that three times fast!). There is no comparable measure on earth to a God-satisfied heart.
So... if we measure our satisfaction through our God-satisfied heart, we will find that food nor things will ever compare; nor will anything of this world ever satisfy you so fully and wholly. Look to God, and not anywhere else, to find satisfaction. His words taste better than any meal and His kingdom is worth more than any earthly gain.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. ~Psalm 63:2-5
Monday, June 25, 2012
Head vs. Heart, Round 1
Ahhhhhh *sigh* ... FINALLY a chance to sit and write. I don't like to put writing on the back burner, but life DOES move at the speed of light. School has ended - I officially have a Kindergartner and a SECOND grader...and the baby will be starting preschool in a few short months. Can someone explain this? Please?
Anyway - I've been thinking a lot about the battle of the head versus the battle of the heart. I think that most of us will use both when making decisions. I know that I can say that I am not usually a "follow your heart" kind of girl...and I'm usually not a "follow your head" kind of girl...I am sure that the circumstance that I face dictates how I react.
In my devotional time recently, I was reminded of this scripture "love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind" Mt. 22:37. I was struck at the fact that we are commanded to first love Him with our heart... and last with our mind. Our hearts are irrational and deceitful, yet it is our hearts that hold the capacity to understand feelings that words cannot express. Our hearts are capable of hate and wickedness and gossip, yet are full of compassion and love and understanding. To say our hearts are complex is an understatement. Our hearts are actually capable of thinking, planning, imagining...all the things a 'mind' can do, a heart can do better.
So then why does our mind butt in? Why does our mind force us to consider every possible outcome? Why do we feel the need to cross every T and dot every I before we even make one small move? There is much to be said about a decision made through the use of logic and deductive reasoning...but is that decision always the right one? What I mean to say is - is that decision always the BEST one? The outcome might be as we predicted, but does that make it 'right?' What if we followed our heart instead? The outcome might be better than our logic can understand. But then again, perhaps its not (<--- that's my head talking!)
Follow my heart logic here: IF the heart is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23) and (eternal) life is given when you accept Jesus Christ into your heart (Romans 10:9-10), THEN learning to be more faithful frees us to follow our heart and anticipate the outcome will be pleasing to ourself and to Him. I'm not talking religion here, I'm talking faith. The technical definition of faith is trust or belief. If we trust Jesus - in His redemptive power, in His provision, in His sacrifice and forgiveness - then we are free to trust our heart..."You will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7.
Father, I thank you for Your will in our lives. I am humbled by Your belief in us and Your provision for us. Please continue to encourage me to follow my heart and the desires that You have placed there...and please do the same for my friends who are looking for the same. Lord, I ask that you place urgency in complacent hearts - urgency for us to further Your kingdom and serve with grace, humility, and love. Let rivers of living water flow from our hearts so that we can bask in Your peace and live the life You have prepared for each of us. ♥
Until next time...
Anyway - I've been thinking a lot about the battle of the head versus the battle of the heart. I think that most of us will use both when making decisions. I know that I can say that I am not usually a "follow your heart" kind of girl...and I'm usually not a "follow your head" kind of girl...I am sure that the circumstance that I face dictates how I react.
In my devotional time recently, I was reminded of this scripture "love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind" Mt. 22:37. I was struck at the fact that we are commanded to first love Him with our heart... and last with our mind. Our hearts are irrational and deceitful, yet it is our hearts that hold the capacity to understand feelings that words cannot express. Our hearts are capable of hate and wickedness and gossip, yet are full of compassion and love and understanding. To say our hearts are complex is an understatement. Our hearts are actually capable of thinking, planning, imagining...all the things a 'mind' can do, a heart can do better.
So then why does our mind butt in? Why does our mind force us to consider every possible outcome? Why do we feel the need to cross every T and dot every I before we even make one small move? There is much to be said about a decision made through the use of logic and deductive reasoning...but is that decision always the right one? What I mean to say is - is that decision always the BEST one? The outcome might be as we predicted, but does that make it 'right?' What if we followed our heart instead? The outcome might be better than our logic can understand. But then again, perhaps its not (<--- that's my head talking!)
Follow my heart logic here: IF the heart is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23) and (eternal) life is given when you accept Jesus Christ into your heart (Romans 10:9-10), THEN learning to be more faithful frees us to follow our heart and anticipate the outcome will be pleasing to ourself and to Him. I'm not talking religion here, I'm talking faith. The technical definition of faith is trust or belief. If we trust Jesus - in His redemptive power, in His provision, in His sacrifice and forgiveness - then we are free to trust our heart..."You will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7.
Father, I thank you for Your will in our lives. I am humbled by Your belief in us and Your provision for us. Please continue to encourage me to follow my heart and the desires that You have placed there...and please do the same for my friends who are looking for the same. Lord, I ask that you place urgency in complacent hearts - urgency for us to further Your kingdom and serve with grace, humility, and love. Let rivers of living water flow from our hearts so that we can bask in Your peace and live the life You have prepared for each of us. ♥
Until next time...
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Matthew 6:26
It always seems like the birds chirp loudest after a
thunderous rain. True? Is this because the sound of the rain drowns out their melody? Or is this because we are too busy to acknowledge the sound exists and the sudden difference in volume forces us to hear? One? The other? Both? A different reason altogether? Whatever it is, there is truth to this statement: the birds chirp loudest after a thunderous rain.
Do you think the birds capitalize on the newly found silence? Their chirping sounds a bit like rejoicing to me - sort of like a melodious high-five. There is always a tone of joy and encouragement that tips up the end of each sound right before their breath for the next chorus and refrain.
Are we like the birds? Do we sing loudest after a torrential downpour? During the rain all we hear is the constant drumming and pounding of the ceaseless cascade - so loud as to cause even our own thoughts to drown. At the end of the rain, we rejoice. Our confident heart cries hope to the open spaces where drops and sheets and sprinkles used to occupy. Our delight anchors us to the moment, the sound of our dreams undeferred soar past the places we can see.
Follow that sound.
Do you think the birds capitalize on the newly found silence? Their chirping sounds a bit like rejoicing to me - sort of like a melodious high-five. There is always a tone of joy and encouragement that tips up the end of each sound right before their breath for the next chorus and refrain.
Are we like the birds? Do we sing loudest after a torrential downpour? During the rain all we hear is the constant drumming and pounding of the ceaseless cascade - so loud as to cause even our own thoughts to drown. At the end of the rain, we rejoice. Our confident heart cries hope to the open spaces where drops and sheets and sprinkles used to occupy. Our delight anchors us to the moment, the sound of our dreams undeferred soar past the places we can see.
Follow that sound.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Won Me Over
Sometimes... well, more often than not really... I connect with songs - and I know I'm not the only one. If you're like me, our response is primal - it seems stitched and sewn into each pore. It resounds in our hearts like the echoing sounds of a gong - sailing soundlessly across space and fading, yet always leaving a memory behind. For me - and for some of you I'm sure - it's not just the melody that surrounds us, but also the words that melt their way into the mold of the music. The brilliance of the lyricist brings the magic of the composer to life - and a perfect and inspirational piece of art is formed.
I tend to understand and process things through music. Music is my memories. Music is my very present help. Music is validation that I'm headed in the right direction or way off the path. Music, my friends, is due north on my compass.
As I face trials, and we ALL do, I use music as an escape. I allow my mind reprieve by focusing only on the words and often times tuning out the words and letting the melody become a part of the moment. On this particular day, in this particular moment, Franklin (my iPod touch) decided to put on a song that was full of joy even though, in this particular moment, my heart was not. But since I was too lazy to switch the song, I decided to focus on the lyrics. Lyrics I've listened to a thousand times...yet they proved to be lyrics I've never HEARD. They went a little something like this:
OHHH friends... to be cliche, it hit me like a ton of bricks! But instead of making this specifically about me, I think we can all relate.
How many times have you been on a path - one that you stay on because it's easier than turning back and facing what you left. One that you stay on because the road is too crumbly and destructed to be able to weather the journey back - and besides? who wants to return to what you were running from? It's easier to run - although its WAY more self destructive to run. Does it ever solve anything? Not permanently...Is it worth it? Well, you believe that at first, but eventually you see the light. It's easy to do what feels 'normal,' but much harder to do what feels right.
How many times do we make decisions based on feelings alone? And when we do, and we realize that it was the wrong one or there was a better or more fulfilling one - how does that make us feel. How does it feel when something you USED to believe in suddenly becomes foreign to you and feels more and more wrong and uncomfortable every day?
Friends, I don't have the answer for all of you - but I can tell you that my answer for myself is you change it. You walk arm in arm with God and as you hold the lamp at your feet, you trust Him to guide every single step. You lean on the Word and press in to prayer. You look back at the crumbly road and see it for what it is - decaying, old, deteriorated, defeated - and you accept the fact that roads built on chasing lies are not meant to withstand the elements. You simply look ahead or side to side and find the next road - the next path that God wants for you. He will reveal the way to go - but only if you trust Him one step at a time.
I choose trust. I choose faith. I choose hope. . . and Jesus? I choose You. I choose Your Word above mine, Your will above mine, Your leading above mine, Your steps in front of mine, Your power above my self, Your promises above my weak heart, and Your faithfulness above my inability to understand. I encourage you all to do the same.
I tend to understand and process things through music. Music is my memories. Music is my very present help. Music is validation that I'm headed in the right direction or way off the path. Music, my friends, is due north on my compass.
As I face trials, and we ALL do, I use music as an escape. I allow my mind reprieve by focusing only on the words and often times tuning out the words and letting the melody become a part of the moment. On this particular day, in this particular moment, Franklin (my iPod touch) decided to put on a song that was full of joy even though, in this particular moment, my heart was not. But since I was too lazy to switch the song, I decided to focus on the lyrics. Lyrics I've listened to a thousand times...yet they proved to be lyrics I've never HEARD. They went a little something like this:
"Was on the run, a road that I ruined,
chasing a lie I thought I believed in
Don't know why I do what I do"
chasing a lie I thought I believed in
Don't know why I do what I do"
~Audrey Assad, Won Me Over
OHHH friends... to be cliche, it hit me like a ton of bricks! But instead of making this specifically about me, I think we can all relate.
How many times have you been on a path - one that you stay on because it's easier than turning back and facing what you left. One that you stay on because the road is too crumbly and destructed to be able to weather the journey back - and besides? who wants to return to what you were running from? It's easier to run - although its WAY more self destructive to run. Does it ever solve anything? Not permanently...Is it worth it? Well, you believe that at first, but eventually you see the light. It's easy to do what feels 'normal,' but much harder to do what feels right.
How many times do we make decisions based on feelings alone? And when we do, and we realize that it was the wrong one or there was a better or more fulfilling one - how does that make us feel. How does it feel when something you USED to believe in suddenly becomes foreign to you and feels more and more wrong and uncomfortable every day?
Friends, I don't have the answer for all of you - but I can tell you that my answer for myself is you change it. You walk arm in arm with God and as you hold the lamp at your feet, you trust Him to guide every single step. You lean on the Word and press in to prayer. You look back at the crumbly road and see it for what it is - decaying, old, deteriorated, defeated - and you accept the fact that roads built on chasing lies are not meant to withstand the elements. You simply look ahead or side to side and find the next road - the next path that God wants for you. He will reveal the way to go - but only if you trust Him one step at a time.
I choose trust. I choose faith. I choose hope. . . and Jesus? I choose You. I choose Your Word above mine, Your will above mine, Your leading above mine, Your steps in front of mine, Your power above my self, Your promises above my weak heart, and Your faithfulness above my inability to understand. I encourage you all to do the same.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I've Been Thinking...
Hey blog friends!!
It's been a while - I know. My fingers have been itching to graze the keys on my laptop in order to write to you for a while now, but life as I know it has escaped me as of late. It seems the more crowded my mind is, the faster time goes ... or is it the faster time goes, the more crowded my mind is? I don't know - nor will I ever - so I'll let it go.
I know you're waiting for it - my famous last words - "I've been thinking..." <--- so there you have it. I've been thinking, a LOT lately... I know, I know - you're thinking that I say that ALL the time - and you'd be correct. When I think and have coherent, sticky thoughts, I feel the need to blog - hence the reason you always hear me 'say' "Ive been thinking..." So here I am - with thoughts - and in no particular order of importance, here they are:
I love when you meet people and you're accidental friends. By this I mean there is something in you that roots in them and grows in an unlikely place. I have a friend like this - and I marvel at the thought that she would even call me friend. Now you ALL know I don't struggle with self-worth, but even I tend to second guess mySELF at times - yet she, in her beauty and open heart, never second guesses ME or our friendship. In fact, it seems she embraces it and welcomes it and accepts it. She acknowledges that it has grown in an unlikely place - and yet she continues to visit this garden we've seeded, watered, and watched bloom. The simplicity of it amazes me, the complexity of it is beautiful to me, the unspoken and spoken words that fertilize the soil continue to produce beautiful blossoms despite the alternating frigidity and warmth in the air. Every time I leave her, I shake my head and pinch my arm and feel grateful that she'll walk arm and arm with me despite the random prickers and thorns.
In my heart, I've made a decision. Well, my whole adult-life I've been contemplating an idea. One that I never thought possible despite people urging and pleading with me to pursue it. One that I wasn't sure I was talented enough to pull off. But my AMAZING Pastor preached a sermon that pre-heated the oven that is my heart and this idea baked - and baked to perfection. Now there is much, much more to the story than that, but what you need to know is that there is NO other time in my life that I've been so sure of what I need to do. None. No other. So many things point to this - too many to blog about :) But just know that I am being "strong and courageous. I am not being discouraged...because I know that the Lord MY God is with me wherever I go." I also know that He is in whatever I do with this because my intention is to glorify His holy and righteous name.
Let's see....It's been a month - surely I've got more to tell you??
Oh - well, this may be a little cryptic as I have to be cautious because this IS a public place...but let's see how well I can do. I've learned a very valuable lesson about myself recently. If you know me in 'real life,' you know that I am a passionate person. If I believe in it, I BELIEVE in it. If I'm fired up by it, I am FIRED UP by it. It's part of my makeup. I suppose at one point, I didn't really understand it and I saw it as a burden - I saw it as a reason why so many people didn't understand ME. As I've reached *ahem*old age maturity in my 30's, I realize that this is actually a gift! It's taken me about a year to truly and wholly accept and acknowledge a few things about myself - and for real? It's made me LIKE myself even more!!! If you faithfully read my blog, I've written a little about this before - about being unapologetically me (read it here), but this is a little more than that.
I believe that God gives us gifts and abilities ( topic I'm PUMPED FOR LIFE about, but I'll save it for another time). I believe with my ENTIRE being, that one of the gifts He's given me is the gift of passion. I actually don't understand people who don't have passion. I don't understand how some people don't feel like their heart will explode, or maybe that they truly prefer to sit middle-of-the-road...but God shapes us all as He will. Well, for a minute there, I was thinking that my passion was a burden, not a gift. I know that it can be misunderstood - I know it can come across VERY strong...but I also know that people with passion have an ace in their back pocket. They can push and excel and get results. They can take risks and dare to dream simply because their passion drives them forward. How do I know this? Well, because I've accepted this part of me - embraced it, really. I refuse to be weighed down by it even when people want me to stuff it down. I refuse to be anyone except who I am - and if that means taking chances and putting myself out there- then so be it. God gifted me this for a purpose - and I will not waste it. Absolutely not.
I've got so much more to say - TONS more, really, but I'll leave you instead with this encouragement:
It's been a while - I know. My fingers have been itching to graze the keys on my laptop in order to write to you for a while now, but life as I know it has escaped me as of late. It seems the more crowded my mind is, the faster time goes ... or is it the faster time goes, the more crowded my mind is? I don't know - nor will I ever - so I'll let it go.
I know you're waiting for it - my famous last words - "I've been thinking..." <--- so there you have it. I've been thinking, a LOT lately... I know, I know - you're thinking that I say that ALL the time - and you'd be correct. When I think and have coherent, sticky thoughts, I feel the need to blog - hence the reason you always hear me 'say' "Ive been thinking..." So here I am - with thoughts - and in no particular order of importance, here they are:
I love when you meet people and you're accidental friends. By this I mean there is something in you that roots in them and grows in an unlikely place. I have a friend like this - and I marvel at the thought that she would even call me friend. Now you ALL know I don't struggle with self-worth, but even I tend to second guess mySELF at times - yet she, in her beauty and open heart, never second guesses ME or our friendship. In fact, it seems she embraces it and welcomes it and accepts it. She acknowledges that it has grown in an unlikely place - and yet she continues to visit this garden we've seeded, watered, and watched bloom. The simplicity of it amazes me, the complexity of it is beautiful to me, the unspoken and spoken words that fertilize the soil continue to produce beautiful blossoms despite the alternating frigidity and warmth in the air. Every time I leave her, I shake my head and pinch my arm and feel grateful that she'll walk arm and arm with me despite the random prickers and thorns.
In my heart, I've made a decision. Well, my whole adult-life I've been contemplating an idea. One that I never thought possible despite people urging and pleading with me to pursue it. One that I wasn't sure I was talented enough to pull off. But my AMAZING Pastor preached a sermon that pre-heated the oven that is my heart and this idea baked - and baked to perfection. Now there is much, much more to the story than that, but what you need to know is that there is NO other time in my life that I've been so sure of what I need to do. None. No other. So many things point to this - too many to blog about :) But just know that I am being "strong and courageous. I am not being discouraged...because I know that the Lord MY God is with me wherever I go." I also know that He is in whatever I do with this because my intention is to glorify His holy and righteous name.
Let's see....It's been a month - surely I've got more to tell you??
Oh - well, this may be a little cryptic as I have to be cautious because this IS a public place...but let's see how well I can do. I've learned a very valuable lesson about myself recently. If you know me in 'real life,' you know that I am a passionate person. If I believe in it, I BELIEVE in it. If I'm fired up by it, I am FIRED UP by it. It's part of my makeup. I suppose at one point, I didn't really understand it and I saw it as a burden - I saw it as a reason why so many people didn't understand ME. As I've reached *ahem*
I believe that God gives us gifts and abilities ( topic I'm PUMPED FOR LIFE about, but I'll save it for another time). I believe with my ENTIRE being, that one of the gifts He's given me is the gift of passion. I actually don't understand people who don't have passion. I don't understand how some people don't feel like their heart will explode, or maybe that they truly prefer to sit middle-of-the-road...but God shapes us all as He will. Well, for a minute there, I was thinking that my passion was a burden, not a gift. I know that it can be misunderstood - I know it can come across VERY strong...but I also know that people with passion have an ace in their back pocket. They can push and excel and get results. They can take risks and dare to dream simply because their passion drives them forward. How do I know this? Well, because I've accepted this part of me - embraced it, really. I refuse to be weighed down by it even when people want me to stuff it down. I refuse to be anyone except who I am - and if that means taking chances and putting myself out there- then so be it. God gifted me this for a purpose - and I will not waste it. Absolutely not.
I've got so much more to say - TONS more, really, but I'll leave you instead with this encouragement:
I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Psalm 16:8
He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:6
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