Chopped

Do you watch the TV show Chopped? For a while there, I was obsessed. I would catch every episode, every new show... I loved it when they brought the best of the best back and had them face each other. I loved the creativity, the intensity, and the beautiful results... My absolute favorite part, however, was the unveiling of the ingredients. You never knew what they were going to get. I can recall one of the shows having these delicious, interesting choices...and then a package of orange cheese powder from mac and cheese. You should have heard the chefs! They were not pleased - not one bit!

I have been prompted in my heart to draw parallels from that show to my life at this very moment. If you know me well enough to be in the 'inner circle,' you know that I am trying to figure out a solution to a problem that has plagued me for far too long. In trying to seek out answers, I have been spending more time in my devotionals and in prayer...I know that God will reveal it all to me in His perfect timing. "The Lord will fight for me, all I have to do is be still" Exodus 14:14.

Because I am trying to figure things out (even though I shouldn't be), I have had to really think about the changes that have happened over the past few years. Everyone changes, yes, but for me there have been some significant ones. For comic relief, I have been envisioning myself in a Chopped scenario. Here is what I see:

I picture myself as a contestant (remember: I was obsessed for a while!) and I have my wooden mystery box. I am anxious, excited, already planning what baseline to use regardless of my ingredients... I have my hands on the box top and I'm waiting for Ted to tell me to open it. But instead, God has asked me to open it. I open the box and stand in awe at my own reflection. In this moment, I realize that God has given me ingredients to work with. As I stare at the ingredients, I realize I have no idea what to make with this. I know time is ticking, I know that I probably should be sauteing or frying or steaming or infusing or whatever... but I am basically stuck to the ground, wondering what to do.

I try not to be a boastful person - it annoys me. But I also think that a healthy dose of self confidence is important. I am going to acknowledge that God has given me a few ingredients to work with in my Chopped box. If you know me, you may disagree. If you know me, you may think that the ingredients I see are not the best ones that you see... but regardless of that, I want to put the disclaimer out there that I am NOT being boastful, but rather telling you a few ingredients that God has put in my Chopped box.

Ingredient number 1: Psalm 96 - Sing to the Lord a new song, sing to the Lord, all the earth. I have always loved music - that is no secret. I grew up in a musically diverse household - everything from Little River Band to Linda Ronstadt to Frank Sinatra to Carly Simon...I was able to play an instrument in band and sing for chorus. It brought me joy - and I was actually OK at it. However, something shifted in my heart a few years ago and I began to want to use that love of music to share the love of the Lord. Since God is good and He is faithful, He placed the right people in my life who encouraged me and gave me chances even when maybe I didn't deserve them. He has given me a new song to sing. Just recently He gave me the opportunity to learn the piano - and while I am FAR from being good, I will say that being proficient is good enough for me. My whole life I have wanted to play the piano... and in just 4 short months, He has given me the ability to connect what is in my heart with what comes out of my fingertips. He is good.

Ingredient number 2: Viewing most things through a wide view lens. I most likely couldn't tell you what is going to happen tomorrow, but if you need to know what is going to happen months from now because of a decision you are making today, I probably could do it. For some reason, small details escape me - but long term effects are clear as day. The problem I encounter with this is that not many people are 'projectors' and so it is hard to line up my vision with most other people's vision because there usually isn't too much overlap.

Ingredient number 3: Writing. Habakkuk 2:2 "Then the LORD replied: "Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may carry the message to others." Like music, I have always loved to write. I remember writing a poem in 2nd grade and can still recite it. I wrote this incredible story in 6th grade once, I wish I still had it. Clearly, I love to blog ... but I also like to write in my own journal just for me. I can't share everything here. You can often find me writing out looooong emails that replace phone conversations, but that means more to me because writing helps me to process emotion. On my bucket list (and the bucket list of countless others) is to write a book. I have no idea what this book will be about, but I know it will glorify Him and I know that I will just "know" the right time to write it.

Ingredient number 4: No idea. This mystery box on my Chopped challenge has this one last ingredient..this one thing that I don't know how to work with, or what to do with, or even what it is called...but its SOMETHING. I have a feeling it is my "umi" ingredient.. the one that caters to the 6th sense of 'food.' I am trusting in the Lord to click the ligh bulb on at ANY moment about what this is...because I have to get cooking...

I truly still don't know what to do with all of this. My prayers always includes a sense of urgency and wonder at why I have been given these ingredients to work with. It always feels best to be using them, but there really isn't a way to blend them into being used all at the same time...and there is certainly not enough time to use them all independently to their full capacity.

The point of this post is to get you thinking. What did God put in your Chopped box? What are the ingredients that he has asked you to compose the perfect dish with? While I certainly don't have answers, I do know that unlike Chopped, we all do not have the same ingredients. And even if, by chance, we did... we would never use them the same. The TV show is proof of that.

Casting a Long Shadow

In a rare moment of stillness, I looked out my upstairs window. It was late afternoon, the sky was brilliant blue - almost too bright to look at without squinting or a pair of sunglasses. The clouds were scarce but refused to be completely hidden. While I noticed the sky, I also noticed the shadows. The tree branches, bare of leaves, left broken shadows across our neighbor's lawn. The cars parked along the street offered a a sideways slanted, narrow version of themselves on the street beside them. The one that struck me the most, however, was the one our house was casting.

The shadow our house casted on this day, in this minute, reached far. It went past our neighbors house and further on to their neighbor's back yard. Let me assure your our house is not large - its an average sized 1930's colonial on a small lot in a semi-suburb of the capital city. My  house had no right to cast a shadow this big. It was clear that the reflection it gave was one of great reach - it longed to break the boundaries drawn by its walls to spread further, fly higher...

Clearly, science tells us that the size of the original object is skewed because of the play of the light. Because of the angle of the sun, and the openness of the barren trees, our house obstructed the streams of light from the sun. Our house blocked the light. The light persisted. The light, this bright light from the sun, persisted over the house and pushed on. It persevered and was able to over shine what was in its way. In the process of this, what is seen is a false perception of what the house truly looks like. It is not a reflection, but rather a projection of what the light wanted it to be. It gave us two pictures - what is true (the house) and what is not true (the shadow).

I thought of the word shadow - and its meaning. Some would say that a shadow is like a reflection - mocking whatever the light is playing upon. Others would say that a shadow is like a covering - something that gives comfort and rest (think: a little baby who has her Mom affectionately nickname her 'my shadow,' or spending time in the shadow of a tree).

I thought about this image in terms of myself. Do I cast a long shadow? Do you? In my perfect (clearly made up) world, the shadow that I would cast would be one of truth; meaning, the shadow itself would be equal in measure to me in that moment. The prophet Isaiah talks about the 'shadow of a great rock in a weary land.' Would I want to be like that? Would I want to be the place where people found refuge when they are weary? Is it my job to cast a long shadow? Job says "As a servant earnestly desires the shadow," meaning, my job as a servant to my King IS to cast a long shadow so I am able to offer a place of rest.... not sure I'm cut out for that one, but if it is what we are called to do, to be????....then I guess we'll have to work on that one.

At the end of my thoughts on this, I realized that I truly desire to be both the shadow caster and the one to rest in a shadow. I want the Son to radiate so brightly that the overflow casts a long, far reaching shadow where people can find a safe, shady place to rest. I want to constantly find myself IN His shadow restoring and recharging and reflecting on how far my own shadow goes. Will you join me there?

Isaiah 55:8-13

Jesus, come quickly.

Never in my life have I ever said those words. Normally, I say Jesus give me more time – more time to love, more time to share, more time to shine my light, more of You…Jesus tells us that for everything, there is a season. Jesus tells us that the time is now to find Him. Jesus tells us that we are salt and light. Jesus tells us that we should be a light unto the world. Jesus tells us that he wants NONE to perish – but all to have everlasting life. For me. For now. Jesus come. How can our hearts carry this burden? How can our hearts carry this fear of uncertainty? Jesus tells us He will restore us...but Jesus, come now and come quickly because the time between now and our restoration in You seems a million lifetimes away.

“Seek the Lord while he may be found;

call on him while he is near.

7 Let the wicked forsake their ways

and the unrighteous their thoughts.

Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,

and to our God, for he will freely pardon.”

Jesus tells me in the space between awake and asleep that I was made for times as these. He tells me to let Him in. He tells me to surrender. And while I would love to say He always wins, He doesn’t. And while I would love to say that I am always obedient, I’m not. He tells me to have faith – to TRUST Him – wholly, entirely, selfishly even – because that type of love gives way to His. That type of love makes His ways, my ways; makes His command to go out and speak Truth, my ability. Such a place as this is hard – but we need it for times such as these. We are the sowers, the spreaders, the shepherds, the seed… but most of all we are the sheep ourselves. We are to follow our one master and not stray. We are to TRUST Him – that his ways are above our ways, that his thoughts above our thoughts … because the only way to make it through times as these is to believe that. The only way to make it through times as these is to TRUST that His purpose prevails and while our hearts feel as though they may shatter, the truth is that He stands beside us guiding every tear to water a perfect fruit of our sadness… a perfect fruit - ripe for His picking and His glory.

 

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow

come down from heaven,

and do not return to it

without watering the earth

and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire

and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

And from the solitude of our despair, we pick up the ashes of our desperate hearts and we bring it to Him. Blowing the ashes, scattering them across the desert to the furthest point where the sky and the sand meet…and He is there. In ALL the spaces and ALL the gaps between where you can see and where you are. In His eyes you watch the desert turn to garden. The blooms revealing colors you haven’t seen in a while and the fragrance of spring renewing your mind. The mountains that spring up from the flat, weary surface remind you that there IS a person who LIVES inside you. She has a purpose. He has a plan. She has a broken heart. He repairs it, one ash at a time. He promises that weeping endures for the night, but joy does come in the morning. He promises renewal. He promises endurance in Him. He promises a new song for her growing broken heart. He only asks her to Trust.

12 You will go out in joy

and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and hills

will burst into song before you,

and all the trees of the field

will clap their hands.

13 Instead of the thorn-bush will grow the juniper,

and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.

This will be for the Lord’s renown,

for an everlasting sign,

that will endure forever."

Amen

As a Nation, As a Mom...

As a nation, we grieve.

As a nation, we mourn.

As a nation, we band together and pray.

As a nation, we weep.

As a nation, we are speechless.

As a nation, we cannot fathom.

As a nation, we have no answers.

As a nation, we lament.

As a Mom...I do all these things and more.

As a Mom, I push impatience aside and remember the Mom who would hear a lifetime of whining for one more I love you.

As a Mom, I search for signs of upset and fear on my own babies faces because they are right in front of me and I am afriad they can see my heart.

As a Mom, I second guess my decision to be where I am and have what I have because I wonder if the risk will outweigh the benefit.

As a Mom, I knit my heart with other Moms - and while my sense of loss pales in comparison to theirs, this community of mothers feels each loss in their core.

As a Mom, my compassion alternates between tears of anger and tears of joy that these special children each were a gift to this world, and that gift is everlasting.

As a Mom, I look to my faith to help me understand. My heart says - if I grieve this much, how much MORE does He grieve this loss? My heart says - "Do not be afraid, I am with You."... My heart says - just be still and know that He is God...

As a Mom, I know that one thing is certain. That my God sits on His throne and He is sovereign above all. He loves. He creates. He gives and He takes away. He is our safety, our refuge, and bottles all our tears. As a Mom, I pray that the Mom's whose arms are empty tonight can rest in this truth.

As a nation, we stand - under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Join me in prayer for the hurting families. It does not matter what your religion is, how active you are, your past, your present..what matters is that we can join together. Jesus says that when two or more are gathered in His name, we will hear from heaven. Let the families affected by this tragedy hear from heaven. Please join  me in the shout.

Empty Me

I have this index card on my desk that has a quote from one of the email devotionals that waits for me every morning when I get to work. It reads:

"The moment our hearts are emptied of pride, selfishness, ambition, and everything that is contrary to God's law, the Holy Spirit will fill every corner of our hearts. But if we are full of pride and conceit and ambition and the world, there is no room for the spirit of God. We must be emptied before we are filled"

Wowza.

I avoid this index card even though it is taped along the bottom of my monitor and written in faded blue ink. It's followed me from desk to desk offering the same message that my heart does not want to hear.

You see, I struggle with pride, selfishness, and ambition. Daily. It's a fine line between feeling satisfied at a job well done and proud of an accomplishment. It's a fine line between working hard to get what you want and working only to get what you want. It's a fine line between going after a goal and being driven by ambition.

This index card challenges me more than any other words on a page. When I reflect on them, I find myself wondering, was I humble enough? Were my motivations right? Did I leave room for God to be glorified? Did I give God the glory or did I think, in my mere mind, that I was the one responsible for ANY of the success I found?

We must be emptied before we are filled.... but who wants to run to empty? I do it with my gas tank because I am lazy...but I often kick myself in the behind because I end up having to get gas at the most inconvenient times for the most outrageous price. It is so easy to see how we err, isn't it? But as easy as it is, it is equally as hard to correct our bad behavior. Most of it is impulsive, isn't it? Its like a child that you say no repeatedly to that is still drawn to their offense. Uncontrollable.

Pride, selfishness, and ambition are necessary for worth - I am absolutely sure... but how much of it do we need to strike a balance? I suppose that answer is different for everyone. I could spend time trying to answer it here, but it might only apply to me.

I have sat by a friend who hit absolute rock bottom - a friend who was proud, a wee bit selfish, and definitely full of ambition. This friend was hollowed out by grief, pain, loss, uncertainty, hopelessness ... The shell that stood, lamenting, next to me felt as though it would shatter at the slightest whisper of air. In this brokenness, in this emptying of pride, selfishness, and ambition, the Holy Spirit swooped in and turned moaning into shouts of joy. Oh how He loves us.

Our God is a God of second and third and fourth and infinite chances. He wants us to be able to glorify Him - and so what He does is allow us to be emptied so that all we have is Him, His word, and His promise. When we accept this, when we lean into this and use it as a crutch to take the next step, then He weeps tears of joy and celebrates the victory. He has made us more than conquerors - we are His friends, His disciples, His missionaries, His heart of praise and worship. On the upside of it all, He allows us to be blessed to a measure that is bigger than our hearts desire - which makes us humble and full of awe - which makes us shout from rooftops what our God has done for us even when we don't necessarily deserve it.

Empty yourselves, friends. It may be easy for some, hard for others...but the glory of the goodness of our God will fill your hearts - every single corner. Trust Him.

Bumper Sticker: Never Satisfied

HIIII!!! I missed you, pruned branches blog!!! Let's get reacquainted, shall we?

A while back, I saw this bumper sticker while sitting in traffic on the highway. The bumper sticker read "NEVER SATISFIED" ... I found it ironic that the person who chose this sort of proclamation also drove an old Ford Escort hatchback. I wondered if that bumper sticker was there because of the car or because the person driving the car truly was never satisfied. As we crawled along, inch by inch by mile, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Back and forth my heart went wondering about the person in the car. Sad to say, I never caught up to them to take a sneak peek (and no, I'm not the only person to look at people while they drive by!) but I did spend some time imagining who they were.

Perhaps I would've seen an overweight woman  - she is never satisfied and uses food to fill the desire she has deep, deep in her heart. Perhaps I would've seen a young college aged girl - one who is never satisfied despite the fact that her parents worked hard at saving for her education and can't understand why they grumbled at paying $40 for a cotton tshirt with a store's logo on it. Perhaps I would've seen a hard working man who is acting passive aggressive towards his wife and alluding to the fact that he works his tail off only to feel like it's never enough for her. Maybe a high school boy slapped that bumper sticker on his Escort to tell the world that this wasn't it for him - the Escort will one day be a Mercedes or better because he is driven enough to work hard enough for it.

Never satisfied.

While speculating about the Escort's ghost driver, I was struck with a healthy (but heavy) dose of conviction. Why would this be interesting to me? Why would I care so much about it? Know why? Because I am one who struggles with this.  I think the term struck so close to home because I find myself there, ... more often than I care to admit if I'm being honest. I can't tell you how many times I have thought "if I only, if we could just, why can't we have/do/see/experience?" Instead of reveling in the blessings in my life, I spend more energy thinking about and looking at the things I don't have. What am I trying to do by doing that? What could I possibly gain? The things of this world will one day decay and be destroyed by moths and rust - why do I covet them? Why do I look to find fulfillment in them? Why do I look to be satisfied by them?

In truth, TRUE satisfaction is something our hearts feel when we've done something according to God's will. If He calls, and we answer, our hearts are satisfied. Our hearts feel full to bursting with the joy of our Lord. What this bumper sticker taught me was that if we really allow ourselves to be His hands and feet; and if we allow ourselves to live out His will for our lives, then we will be satisfied with the most satisfying satisfaction (say that three times fast!). There is no comparable measure on earth to a God-satisfied heart.

So... if we measure our satisfaction through our God-satisfied heart, we will find that food nor things will ever compare; nor will anything of this world ever satisfy you so fully and wholly. Look to God, and not anywhere else, to find satisfaction. His words taste better than any meal and His kingdom is worth more than any earthly gain.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you. ~Psalm 63:2-5

Head vs. Heart, Round 1

Ahhhhhh *sigh* ... FINALLY a chance to sit and write. I don't like to put writing on the back burner, but life DOES move at the speed of light. School has ended - I officially have a Kindergartner and a SECOND grader...and the baby will be starting preschool in a few short months. Can someone explain this? Please?

Anyway - I've been thinking a lot about the battle of the head versus the battle of the heart. I think that most of us will use both when making decisions.  I know that I can say that I am not usually a "follow your heart" kind of girl...and I'm usually not a "follow your head" kind of girl...I am sure that the circumstance that I face dictates how I react.

 In my devotional time recently, I was reminded of this scripture "love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind" Mt. 22:37. I was struck at the fact that we are commanded to first love Him with our heart... and last with our mind. Our hearts are irrational and deceitful, yet it is our hearts that hold the capacity to understand feelings that words cannot express. Our hearts are capable of hate and wickedness and gossip, yet are full of compassion and love and understanding. To say our hearts are complex is an understatement. Our hearts are actually capable of thinking, planning, imagining...all the things a 'mind' can do, a heart can do better.

So then why does our mind butt in? Why does our mind force us to consider every possible outcome? Why do we feel the need to cross every T and dot every I before we even  make one small move? There is much to be said about a decision made through the use of logic and deductive reasoning...but is that decision always the right one? What I  mean to say is - is that decision always the BEST one? The outcome might be as we predicted, but does that make it 'right?' What if we followed our heart instead? The outcome might be better than our logic can understand. But then again, perhaps its not (<--- that's my head talking!)

Follow my heart logic here: IF the heart is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23) and (eternal) life is given when you accept Jesus Christ into your heart (Romans 10:9-10), THEN learning to be more faithful frees us to follow our heart and anticipate the outcome will be pleasing to ourself and to Him. I'm not talking religion here, I'm talking faith. The technical definition of faith is trust or belief. If we trust Jesus - in His redemptive power, in His provision, in His sacrifice and forgiveness - then we are free to trust our heart..."You will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7.

Father, I thank you for Your will in our lives. I am humbled by Your belief in us and Your provision for us. Please continue to encourage me to follow my heart and the desires that You have placed there...and please do the same for my friends who are looking for the same. Lord, I ask that you place urgency in complacent hearts - urgency for us to further Your kingdom and serve with grace, humility, and love. Let rivers of living water flow from our hearts so that we can bask in Your peace and live the life You have prepared for each of us. ♥

Until next time...