So...I've been in a blogging rut lately. Don't get me wrong, I've got PLENTY to say...I've just not had a minute to collect my thoughts. I've started posts and scratched them because they just wouldn't make any sense if I pushed my way through them.
In an effort to unslump myself (Name that book: "When you're in a slump, you're not in for much fun. Unslumping yourself is not easily done") I thought I would give wonderful facebook friends a chance to help me pick a topic.
I was nervous at first...my status read "I need a blog topic. Go." and I thought I'd get a million people at once. Nope. Silly girl. You only have 150 friends on there, and you only talk to about 30 of them in real life...so WHY would you get a million at once? Unrealistic. If you've read any of my other posts, you'll see I perpetually struggle with expectations...but I digress.
Slowly but surely the topics came in. It started like sprinkles of raindrops and then turned into thunderous pelts. My friends (you know, those in the 30 that i talk to in real life) began to give me ideas. I was FA-SCI-NA-TED (say this like Oprah does...) at the depth and breath of the topics. Here is a running list - and a reason why I decided not to write about each of them today.
1. Deliverance. A VERY personal topic for me. To write about this topic is to bring you, my readers, into a very secret place in my heart. One day, I'll do it. For now, you're fine where you are :)
2. Motherhood. Another VERY personal topic. It is an area where I feel most inadequate...most vulnerable. My heart is not feeling inadequate or vulnerable right now so it would have been a 'forced' write - but that is boring for you and torturous for me.
3. The meaning of the word HOME. Wow. Amazing topic. I could go on forever about it...but today was not the time.
4. The name Jean - which is a VERY significant name in my life. From one of my besties to my beautiful grandmother - this name carries weight, love, happiness and sadness wrapped up together in four letters. I may revisit this at some point in the very near future.
5. Stepping out - Ohhh..this was TEMPTING!!! A good one for sure. I am living proof that stepping out in faith under the direction of the Lord can reap unfathomable, yet humbling rewards. I may revisit this at some point in the very near future as well.
6. Potato puffs, sweet potato fries, and curly fries. How'd we get here?? Oh ya - I am OBVIOUSLY random and so are my friends! Oh..and I LOOOOVE potato puffs to the moon and back.
7. Get ready for this one...ready?
Dissection.
You read it right. Dissection. Pigs brains, rats, rabbits, frogs... dissection. The best part about this topic though is that it can be literal and figurative. I may, in fact, also revisit this one.
SO what? So what about is the point of this blog post? The point of it is that I have some pretty amazing friends who have made some pretty amazing contributions to my life. Be it a suggestion for a blog post, babysitting, coaching, an ear to whine in, a shoulder to cry on, arms to catch me when I fall, stern-ness in love, encouragement, or a good laugh - all of these friends have helped make me who I am today. I know it sounds SO cliche, but I couldn't have made the strides I've made in my life without you (or my family...but wait? that's another post!)
Friends have a way of swooping in and saving the day at precisely the right moment. And they do it with love, grace, beauty, selflessness, and might. This kind of real, true, fully vested friends are as necessary to me as breathing. I need them. I realize at times I can be overwhelming. I can be aggressive, stubborn, anxious and needy...but what i love about you guys is that you love me anyway. In case you didn't know, this means the world to me. Without you, I'd fail. Without you, I wouldn't be able to think, act and play BIG. You love me unconditionally and by doing this, you've allowed me to love myself in the very same way.
Thank you.
Love & Light
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Reality Came Crashing Down
I just went to get something down from a shelf in the coat closet and a whole bunch of pictures fell. I had forgotten they were there and I couldn't see them because the shelf is high. I indulged for a moment and looked through them. The emotion that followed was surprising to me. The emotion was sadness and a sense of loss.
Let me backtrack.
As some of you know, my oldest daughter officially has her own room. We completed the switch yesterday. While she was SUPER excited (to say the least) yesterday as we were moving things, the SUPER excited turned to a little bit nervous as bed time approached. One of the decorations I got for her new room was a pin board (you know, the fabric covered ones?). She loved it as it fed right into her 6.5 year old vanity. She immediately covered it with pictures - of herself, of course! As gathered the picture frames with her picture in it, I realized that there were older pictures behind the ones we saw. It was a trip down memory lane to see her regress in age right before our eyes. She thought it was amazing (and she certainly thought she was the cutest. baby. ever.) but me? I felt a tug of sadness.
I asked myself the question "do I remember where this picture was taken?" "Do I remember why I felt like I had to capture this moment?" "Do I remember Maya this way?" As these came up, I dismissed them because the answers to them were truth...and the truth was I didn't. Sure, some pictures I knew where it was taken, but I don't know why. The saddest part? I don't remember Maya that way.
I have distant, foggy memories of all my children when they were small. Even now, it's hard for me to picture them any other way than the way they are. I'm not talking their personality, but the way they look. Seeing these pictures of Maya and the ones that fell from the coat closet threw reality in my face. This reality is the fact that my kids, without my consent, are growing and changing right before my eyes.
I get it - this is the way it works. Years go by, we get older, we get smarter, we get bigger...but someone forgot to send me the memo that when it is OUR kids, all of this is exaggerated to a lightening speed pace.
I would do anything for one more day of Maya as an exceptionally chubby 8 month old - willing to laugh at any silly face in front of her. I would trade years off my life for one more day of Avery's way-too-wise eyes of a 4 month old to flutter off to sleep in my arms. I covet one more day of seeing Edie as a baby, staring at her sisters in awe and flashing that all-too-cheesy toothless grin. Anything.
What has all of this taught me?
It's taught me that playing play-doh, although it's my LEAST favorite thing in the world, is what matters. It's allowing the kids to help me stir the cookie mix even though I know more will end up on the counter than in the bowl. It's to go mental with the garden hose just because it's hot and we have a change of clothes just steps away. It's to memorize the sound of their laughter, the sparkles in their eyes, and the feeling of their ever-growing-very-dense bodies in my arms as we snuggle. It's to be able to close my eyes and picture them as they are, as they were and as they will be.
I realize this is nothing new to women who have children. I figure every Mom has gone though this at one point. I suppose my reality hit me today - in the form of falling pictures from a too-high shelf. It didn't hurt my body, but it sure did hurt my heart.
Love & Light
Let me backtrack.
As some of you know, my oldest daughter officially has her own room. We completed the switch yesterday. While she was SUPER excited (to say the least) yesterday as we were moving things, the SUPER excited turned to a little bit nervous as bed time approached. One of the decorations I got for her new room was a pin board (you know, the fabric covered ones?). She loved it as it fed right into her 6.5 year old vanity. She immediately covered it with pictures - of herself, of course! As gathered the picture frames with her picture in it, I realized that there were older pictures behind the ones we saw. It was a trip down memory lane to see her regress in age right before our eyes. She thought it was amazing (and she certainly thought she was the cutest. baby. ever.) but me? I felt a tug of sadness.
I asked myself the question "do I remember where this picture was taken?" "Do I remember why I felt like I had to capture this moment?" "Do I remember Maya this way?" As these came up, I dismissed them because the answers to them were truth...and the truth was I didn't. Sure, some pictures I knew where it was taken, but I don't know why. The saddest part? I don't remember Maya that way.
I have distant, foggy memories of all my children when they were small. Even now, it's hard for me to picture them any other way than the way they are. I'm not talking their personality, but the way they look. Seeing these pictures of Maya and the ones that fell from the coat closet threw reality in my face. This reality is the fact that my kids, without my consent, are growing and changing right before my eyes.
I get it - this is the way it works. Years go by, we get older, we get smarter, we get bigger...but someone forgot to send me the memo that when it is OUR kids, all of this is exaggerated to a lightening speed pace.
I would do anything for one more day of Maya as an exceptionally chubby 8 month old - willing to laugh at any silly face in front of her. I would trade years off my life for one more day of Avery's way-too-wise eyes of a 4 month old to flutter off to sleep in my arms. I covet one more day of seeing Edie as a baby, staring at her sisters in awe and flashing that all-too-cheesy toothless grin. Anything.
What has all of this taught me?
It's taught me that playing play-doh, although it's my LEAST favorite thing in the world, is what matters. It's allowing the kids to help me stir the cookie mix even though I know more will end up on the counter than in the bowl. It's to go mental with the garden hose just because it's hot and we have a change of clothes just steps away. It's to memorize the sound of their laughter, the sparkles in their eyes, and the feeling of their ever-growing-very-dense bodies in my arms as we snuggle. It's to be able to close my eyes and picture them as they are, as they were and as they will be.
I realize this is nothing new to women who have children. I figure every Mom has gone though this at one point. I suppose my reality hit me today - in the form of falling pictures from a too-high shelf. It didn't hurt my body, but it sure did hurt my heart.
Love & Light
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I believe...
I was thinking today (and contrary to popular belief, I did not hurt myself...) and I was considering what I truly believe. What are the things I believe IN. What are the things I believe FOR. What do I believe? Since it's been awhile, I figured I'd share them with you.
1. I believe in God the father, His son Jesus and the gift of the Holy Spirit. I believe that God calls us all and it is up to us to listen. I believe that He died on a cross as the ultimate sacrifice so that I could have a clean slate. I believe He bestows us with gifts, grace and mercy so we can continue to exhalt His holy name. I believe that ALL glory goes to the Father.
2. I believe in the power of friendship; in the power of standing for friends who can't stand themselves. I believe in loving friends like family and treating them that way. I believe in the unspoken words that are heard loud and clear between friends; and I believe in the expressionless exchange of emotions that happens when friends are intertwined at the heart.
3. I believe in the mightiness of prayer; in standing in the gap between those who cannot pray and those who are praying. I believe in storming the gates of heaven with both needs and praise; and rejoicing in both the silence and the answers that come.
4. I believe in the healing power of a good meal eaten in good company; in the conversation and exchange of ideas that naturally happens - where it seems that no dream is too big and no comment is too small. Food + Good Company + Life Changing Discussion = Satisfaction.
5. I believe the ground is level ONLY at the foot of the cross. It is the one place where you can lay your burdens and know that they will not ever roll back to you. I believe the only way you can get burdens back is if you TAKE them back.
I believe SO much more than I've written here. I believe that those who know me well enough have heard the words of my heart that did not make it on this page. They have shared the healing power of a good meal. They have spent time with me as I laid things at the cross. They have prayed with me and for me to the God we believe in. They have called me friend, and I, them.
The most rewarding part of these thoughts today is not this blog post (HAHAHAHAA!), but rather, the fact that my blessings in life were abundantly clear. I encourage all of you to ask yourself "what do I believe?" and write it down. Share it with me here, put it in your journal, email a friend - but writing it down helps you see it differently. You'll probably be amazed at what you find.
~Love & Light~
1. I believe in God the father, His son Jesus and the gift of the Holy Spirit. I believe that God calls us all and it is up to us to listen. I believe that He died on a cross as the ultimate sacrifice so that I could have a clean slate. I believe He bestows us with gifts, grace and mercy so we can continue to exhalt His holy name. I believe that ALL glory goes to the Father.
2. I believe in the power of friendship; in the power of standing for friends who can't stand themselves. I believe in loving friends like family and treating them that way. I believe in the unspoken words that are heard loud and clear between friends; and I believe in the expressionless exchange of emotions that happens when friends are intertwined at the heart.
3. I believe in the mightiness of prayer; in standing in the gap between those who cannot pray and those who are praying. I believe in storming the gates of heaven with both needs and praise; and rejoicing in both the silence and the answers that come.
4. I believe in the healing power of a good meal eaten in good company; in the conversation and exchange of ideas that naturally happens - where it seems that no dream is too big and no comment is too small. Food + Good Company + Life Changing Discussion = Satisfaction.
5. I believe the ground is level ONLY at the foot of the cross. It is the one place where you can lay your burdens and know that they will not ever roll back to you. I believe the only way you can get burdens back is if you TAKE them back.
I believe SO much more than I've written here. I believe that those who know me well enough have heard the words of my heart that did not make it on this page. They have shared the healing power of a good meal. They have spent time with me as I laid things at the cross. They have prayed with me and for me to the God we believe in. They have called me friend, and I, them.
The most rewarding part of these thoughts today is not this blog post (HAHAHAHAA!), but rather, the fact that my blessings in life were abundantly clear. I encourage all of you to ask yourself "what do I believe?" and write it down. Share it with me here, put it in your journal, email a friend - but writing it down helps you see it differently. You'll probably be amazed at what you find.
~Love & Light~
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Grace
The topic of God's grace has been hot in my heart these past couple of months (cue Matt Maher's chorus: Your grace is enough!). My understanding of the depth of God's grace is blossoming in my heart - slowly, surely, beautifully. It is something I always knew, but didn't understand like I do now.
I posted on Facebook this afternoon this status:
I posted on Facebook this afternoon this status:
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Out of the Mouth of Babes
My kids are pretty smart. Yes, I'm their Mom so I can say that, but I truly believe it - all biases aside. One of the things that strikes me daily is the amount of wisdom these babes of mine have.
I posted a gem on facebook the other day. It came from Ace, my middle daughter (Ace is her nickname...and it fits perfectly). She said "The rain is God's way of showing us His wisdom, right Mommy?" Ummmmm. Right, Ace. Exactly true.
How many times have you been here - picture this - the rain is pouring, we're soaked, our shoes are ruined, our clothes feel heavy, we can't get warm, and shelter wouldn't matter because we are beyond what help it offers. Been there? I have. Figuratively speaking, of course (and physically been there once when I was taking a motorcycle safety class - but that's another story for another time). When you're in this storm, you would do anything for reprieve...a fresh hoodie and some sweat pants, a cup of coffee, a warm, dry place to simply rest.
Where do you go when you need a hoodie to cover and comfort you and a place where you can find warmth and shelter? Can you guess where this is going? I'll bet you can, my smart readers. You know me all too well.
I find cover and comfort in my bible. I find it in my time of prayer and reflection about where I went wrong and what I need to do to fix it. I find it in my repentance because usually a storm is brought on by my disobedience. I find it in the faint sun that appears when the storm and the threat of a new storm have passed.
In my bible today, I was reading the parables in the book of Matthew. I found two places to prove that Ace's comment was truly inspired.
1. Matthew 21:16 - "Do you hear what these children are saying?" they asked him. "Yes," replied Jesus, "have you never read, "'From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise'?" This prompted me to ask where Jesus was referring to - it must be in another part of this gospel. So I backpedaled and found this:
2. Matthew 11:25 - "At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." Can you see the aha moment??!?!?
Of course Ace would be ordained with all these nuggets of wisdom...because GOD HIMSELF has hidden things from the wise and learned and revealed them to LITTLE CHILDREN!! Clearly, out of the mouth of babes is true wisdom that finds us when we need.
We can ask for wisdom - my bible tells me so. We can pray for wisdom - my bible tells me so. But children? They are bestowed with wisdom ... what a wonderful gift. I know I have seen the blessing of it in my life.
How about you? Do you have a "out of the mouth of babes" story? Post it in my comments. I would love to know!
Love & Light
I posted a gem on facebook the other day. It came from Ace, my middle daughter (Ace is her nickname...and it fits perfectly). She said "The rain is God's way of showing us His wisdom, right Mommy?" Ummmmm. Right, Ace. Exactly true.
How many times have you been here - picture this - the rain is pouring, we're soaked, our shoes are ruined, our clothes feel heavy, we can't get warm, and shelter wouldn't matter because we are beyond what help it offers. Been there? I have. Figuratively speaking, of course (and physically been there once when I was taking a motorcycle safety class - but that's another story for another time). When you're in this storm, you would do anything for reprieve...a fresh hoodie and some sweat pants, a cup of coffee, a warm, dry place to simply rest.
Where do you go when you need a hoodie to cover and comfort you and a place where you can find warmth and shelter? Can you guess where this is going? I'll bet you can, my smart readers. You know me all too well.
I find cover and comfort in my bible. I find it in my time of prayer and reflection about where I went wrong and what I need to do to fix it. I find it in my repentance because usually a storm is brought on by my disobedience. I find it in the faint sun that appears when the storm and the threat of a new storm have passed.
In my bible today, I was reading the parables in the book of Matthew. I found two places to prove that Ace's comment was truly inspired.
1. Matthew 21:16 - "Do you hear what these children are saying?" they asked him. "Yes," replied Jesus, "have you never read, "'From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise'?" This prompted me to ask where Jesus was referring to - it must be in another part of this gospel. So I backpedaled and found this:
2. Matthew 11:25 - "At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." Can you see the aha moment??!?!?
Of course Ace would be ordained with all these nuggets of wisdom...because GOD HIMSELF has hidden things from the wise and learned and revealed them to LITTLE CHILDREN!! Clearly, out of the mouth of babes is true wisdom that finds us when we need.
We can ask for wisdom - my bible tells me so. We can pray for wisdom - my bible tells me so. But children? They are bestowed with wisdom ... what a wonderful gift. I know I have seen the blessing of it in my life.
How about you? Do you have a "out of the mouth of babes" story? Post it in my comments. I would love to know!
Love & Light
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Dance Like No One is Watching
I have to share a funny story with you guys. It's about my oldest daughter, Maya. For those of you who don't know her, she is quite the little girl. She is stubborn, beautiful, loud, creative, whimsical, bold and did I mention beautiful? Anyway - here is the story.
One day this week, her school was hosting a spaghetti dinner. She DESPERATELY wanted to go. Me...notsomuch...(that's not really my shtick). We hadn't done any family things during the year (Again..not really my shtick) and I knew this would be our last chance. She is switching schools in the fall - so truly, this was it.
So my Mom graciously offered to watch my other two daughters (it was expensive!!) and off to the spaghetti dinner we went. We got there and, man, I wish you all could have seen her face. It was pure joy. Her friends were there, there was food, there was SODA!!, there was music, there was...EVERYTHING!! So we got our tickets and we got our pasta and we sat down. She couldn't even eat she was so excited (what is she going to do at prom! LOL!). Iforced asked her to at least finish her salad and she was glad to comply. I told her she couldn't go play until she was done. Three HUGE bites and a gulp of soda (yes I did!) later, she was ready to go. She grabbed her friend Chloe and they marched to the dance floor.
What happened next was magical.
Maya has no formal dance training aside from the weekly dance parties we have at home (no, I'm not posting a video LOL!) but girlfriend L O V E S to dance. She shakes, she shimmies, she jumps, she leaps, she cartwheels - she does it all. Now, the music that was playing was not what we listen to. It wasthe dreaded Justin Bieber - which apparently Maya has heard before?? So anyway, she was SO INTO this dancing. All the other kids felt the need to be 'cool' on the dance floor...and there was Maya. Jumping, leaping, shaking, shimmying, moving not so gracefully around the dance floor. She owned it. Every. Single. Move.
It brought me so much joy and satisfaction to know that she felt comfortable enough with herself to just get lost in the music. She TRULY didn't care what the other kids thought, said, did - she wanted to do what she wanted to do. I was proud of her that she felt like she could express herself in that way. It was beautiful.
For me, it was a parenting success story. I have always desired that my children understand that they were created to be the person they are; that they are beautiful just the way God made them. We talk about beauty all the time and my hope is that they understand that beauty is more than looks - its about confidence, self-worth, standards, and self-love. We tell them all the time that they are beautiful on the inside and the outside. Our hope is that they believe it always - even when the world tells them otherwise.
My hope for you all is the same - that you all understand you are beautiful even when the world tells you otherwise. It is true that beauty comes from within. Your heart is where the embers of beauty are. The more you believe it, the hotter the embers glow. The hotter they glow, the faster you have flames. When the flames are roaring, you are glowing. Believe in the embers that lie in your heart. Fan them every chance you get - and before long you will be convinced of the beauty they create.
~ Love and Light ~
One day this week, her school was hosting a spaghetti dinner. She DESPERATELY wanted to go. Me...notsomuch...(that's not really my shtick). We hadn't done any family things during the year (Again..not really my shtick) and I knew this would be our last chance. She is switching schools in the fall - so truly, this was it.
So my Mom graciously offered to watch my other two daughters (it was expensive!!) and off to the spaghetti dinner we went. We got there and, man, I wish you all could have seen her face. It was pure joy. Her friends were there, there was food, there was SODA!!, there was music, there was...EVERYTHING!! So we got our tickets and we got our pasta and we sat down. She couldn't even eat she was so excited (what is she going to do at prom! LOL!). I
What happened next was magical.
Maya has no formal dance training aside from the weekly dance parties we have at home (no, I'm not posting a video LOL!) but girlfriend L O V E S to dance. She shakes, she shimmies, she jumps, she leaps, she cartwheels - she does it all. Now, the music that was playing was not what we listen to. It was
It brought me so much joy and satisfaction to know that she felt comfortable enough with herself to just get lost in the music. She TRULY didn't care what the other kids thought, said, did - she wanted to do what she wanted to do. I was proud of her that she felt like she could express herself in that way. It was beautiful.
For me, it was a parenting success story. I have always desired that my children understand that they were created to be the person they are; that they are beautiful just the way God made them. We talk about beauty all the time and my hope is that they understand that beauty is more than looks - its about confidence, self-worth, standards, and self-love. We tell them all the time that they are beautiful on the inside and the outside. Our hope is that they believe it always - even when the world tells them otherwise.
My hope for you all is the same - that you all understand you are beautiful even when the world tells you otherwise. It is true that beauty comes from within. Your heart is where the embers of beauty are. The more you believe it, the hotter the embers glow. The hotter they glow, the faster you have flames. When the flames are roaring, you are glowing. Believe in the embers that lie in your heart. Fan them every chance you get - and before long you will be convinced of the beauty they create.
~ Love and Light ~
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Expect Expectationless Expectations
Got it? Blog post done.
Just kidding...
I struggle with expectations. Personal expectations. Professional expectations. Expectations for friends, family, acquaintances. Too many expectations for too many different situations. I cut some people more slack than others. I set the bar different for different people. My tendency to set expectations is my Achilles' heel.
A good friend of mine brought to light that it is important to realize that there are expectations that are too high and there are expectations that are unrealistic. A thunderous round of understanding and wonder echoed in my head when I truly understood this. Often, I place unrealistic expectations on myself, and others, and I am constantly disappointed (also in myself and others) in the result. I often do the same with expectations that are too high.
So what does one do when this happens? Does one lower their expectations? If expectations are lowered, what does that say about the person lowering them? That they are OK with accepting less?
So - lowering expectations should be easy right? Is it? No. It's the hardest thing in the entire world for me.Maybe if I weren't so stubborn Maybe if I learned to expect expectationless expectations, I would be able to digest a lot more. By setting expectationless expectations, you still have the satisfaction of setting expectations without the required follow through. Perhaps this will work with someone like me who struggles with follow through to begin with (see the previous post for more details). Can this work? Can this be the breakthrough that I need?
Stay tuned to find out. If expecting expectationless expectations works for me, I will be sure to blog all about it. I'll be too excited not to.
~ Love & Light ~
Dina
Just kidding...
I struggle with expectations. Personal expectations. Professional expectations. Expectations for friends, family, acquaintances. Too many expectations for too many different situations. I cut some people more slack than others. I set the bar different for different people. My tendency to set expectations is my Achilles' heel.
A good friend of mine brought to light that it is important to realize that there are expectations that are too high and there are expectations that are unrealistic. A thunderous round of understanding and wonder echoed in my head when I truly understood this. Often, I place unrealistic expectations on myself, and others, and I am constantly disappointed (also in myself and others) in the result. I often do the same with expectations that are too high.
So what does one do when this happens? Does one lower their expectations? If expectations are lowered, what does that say about the person lowering them? That they are OK with accepting less?
So - lowering expectations should be easy right? Is it? No. It's the hardest thing in the entire world for me.
Stay tuned to find out. If expecting expectationless expectations works for me, I will be sure to blog all about it. I'll be too excited not to.
~ Love & Light ~
Dina
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